i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
