The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
