that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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