I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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