I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my shit smells like andre
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
