i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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