Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
