Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
