I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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