I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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