I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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