how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
