What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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