Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
