so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
