i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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