it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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