youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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