Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
