Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
