Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
