if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
