it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
