Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
