Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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