Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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