I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
