Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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