Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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