Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
