Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
