please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
