That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
