his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
