why didn't you poke me back
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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