he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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