this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
