You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
