is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
