Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
