Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
