the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
