I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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