i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
