i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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