You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
