I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
