Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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