After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
