then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I sprained my soul last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
