the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
