Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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