Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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