My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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